DF visits-Day 3

I must admit it was hard getting out of bed this morning. We were all tired from the beach but the kids got up and enthusiastically got dressed to go to Apple camp. They went over their corrected math assignment and completed a new one together on the ride to camp. They are making a movie and I am eagerly awaiting its unveiling on Saturday.
We headed to Round Valley lake after, where we met some homeschooling friends. It was very relaxing not to have the ocean waves pounding on us.
Afterwards we headed home, had an early supper and the kids went to the village. DF bought a Pokemon Card game deck and the kids headed to the library. After a while we came home, played , had a snack and went to bed!
Tired after another busy day and looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow!

Look for photos of the day added to the DF album on the right.

A Dear Friend visits!- Day 2

Today's Highlights: Hubby's birthday, Apple camp day 1, Sandy Hook National beach.

Today the kids woke up bright, early and ready for their first day at the Apple computer camp. While they were given instructions on the project at hand and made story boards for it, the parents got a computer safety presentation. I enjoyed it a great deal, not only because I loved being able to handle Apple products but also because I learned that both PC and Mac have very similar parental supervision features. I liked knowing that.

They worked on their math assignment in the car. By the time we got home and after a quick outdoor lunch, they were ready to start working on their assignment from camp. Honestly, they did not have much time.
We picked up a friend, waited for more, packed up the van and headed to Sandy Hook Beach to play in the surf, meet homeschooling friends and enjoy their free summer concert series. We took the bikes with the intention of bicycling to the light house at some point but the the reality of it was very different once the kids hit the waves. They did not want to get out of the water!
Oh well, hopefully we'll get to it before DF goes back west. If not, I'm sure the lighthouse is not going anywhere anytime soon. They kids had a blast and ended their day by eating a large order of steak and shrimp each. DF made new friends and we all enjoyed each other a great deal.
Best of all, they were in bed within 10 minutes of getting home; showered, teeth brushed and sound asleep! - no struggles!

I have placed the DF photo album to the right of this post. Enjoy!




Thursday, July 28
Planned: Apple computer camp day 2 and homeschoolers lake outing

A Dear Friend visits!- Day 1

After their longest time apart (5 months) since our daughter was six months old, she is reunited with her best buddy! We love having him over to share all the wonderful new things we are discovering here. I will attempt to make a daily highlights summary for his family to keep up with our outings and experiences here. This two week period will reflect some of our "summer schooling". I will try to incorporate some Math practice or games on a daily basis.
I love to see how these two kids choose to spend their time together. It is so nice to see them interact. They know each other so well!
Today's highlights:
Cherry seeds spitting contest in our yard , Pokemon card game,writer's cafe (creative writing class), pool: swim & diving, DF catches fireflies in backyard while DD plays her guitar and writes.

It has been a hard day in a hard week of a hard month and a hard year.

That's basically what I tell myself after a day like today.
With all my hopes and ideals pushed aside, I look at myself in the mirror and ask sincerely:
"Why on earth would you want to keep this kid at home? Are you crazy?"

There go my grand ideals of family unity and understanding crushed by a screaming, impetuous 9 year old. Fears of years to come fill my heart like a dark and heavy mass of crude oil which drowns life from anything it touches in a devastating ocean spill. Never mind the doubt of not knowing if this crazy idealistic notion of mine will work out. Sometimes if feels like I am alone between a rock and a hard place. School has made it so hard for me to homeschool my daughter, in so many ways. I hate living in a society where a young person's worth is judged by the grades they get, the school they attend, the possessions they have, the clothes they wear. It is all around us from coast to coast and it is inescapable.

I have heard horror stories from my non-homeschooling friends about homeschool children who end up hating their parents and barely talking to them as grown ups. I have heard stories of brilliant 45 year old homeschoolers who never left home and still work endlessly on elaborate projects in the basement because they cannot hold a job. I have heard stories of the neighbor's kids who were in and out of school, and only the ones who went to school the most turned out somewhat "normal". The rest are druggies and failures.
The problem for me is that I like the people who tell me these stories. Should I still call them my friends after they share their valuable anecdotes with me? Should I share my stories of school kids slashing their wrists because they don't get an A in a test? or the one about the girl who killed herself by running into the highway after school because her boyfriend dumped her? Should I share the stories of kids who are bullied and are made to feel worthless by their peers on a daily basis? or the one of the girl who was beaten by other girls near to death with a bat as a sport for being the "different"one? Or the story about the bored school boys who beat a hard working immigrant to death while sitting at a park bench? Should I tell them that these children thought their actions were amusing enough to tape and post on "YouTube"?
Would they still like me and have me over to their house as I do if I point straight at the failures of the system they have chosen to be a part of? Do I need to be part of that system to be recognized as a thoughtful and feeling individual in their eyes? I am sure they would excuse those incidents as freak occurrences that their children would never experience. Why then do they tell me their homeschooling stories with foreboding warning tones in their voices?
One of my non-homeschooling friends already warned me (when my daughter was seven years old), of her strong character, independent mindset and desire to experiment with the unknown. Apparently our daughter is doomed by her own nature. Thanks friend, but I don't happen to see those things as downfalls.

I know that the survival instinct in humans is augmented by fear. So I can't help to ask myself: what am I most afraid of?
The product of a regimented, institutionalized "people factory" system or the product of my own mistakes? What drives me to want to homeschool my child tomorrow, after a day like today? Is this a mistake?
It seems like life would be so much easier if she just went to school. She could play to be busy all day, blend in with the sassy crowd and come home to talk about other girls who are not like her. She would be accepted at camp as a regular girl by her peers, not a weird "homeschooler". She would "fit in" to everyone else's standards, would go to tutoring services when she has a problem in school and to camp whenever she is off from school. I would have a clean house, other adults to talk to in a somewhat interesting job, time to myself, money for a maid service, or a dance class... Then reality sets in.

It has been a hard day in a hard week of a hard month and a hard year. We've had more than enough of those to spare around here lately.
Sometimes this lonely path is not easy to follow. Sometimes it seems like every step hurts more than the previous one and I just want to stay put and not walk anymore.

Sometimes I just need someone that I like to give me a hug, pat me on the back and say "It will be OK. She's wonderful, you're doing great. She'll be OK."

I miss you more than you can imagine my dear friend.

We made it and all is well!

As always, it seems like it has been a decade since I updated our blogg. A lot has happened since then. We have left our dear friends and home of 13 years behind in sunny Burbank, California and are now residents of the garden state: New Jersey. We even have the license plates to proove it! I guess it's official now.


Hubby is enjoying his new job a great deal and Laura and I are enjoying meeting new people and finding new adventures. Although we also miss our friends a lot!
In the past few months our homeschooling style has changed from "classic, school at home" to "crazy, survive relocation" mode. Honestly, academics have not been a priority in the past few months. DD has been reading nonstop (from classics to comics) during this whole process so I don't feel so bad about it.
















We have been here for almost 4 months and just now I feel like we can really start to stretch our weary traveling legs and be comfortable with our new surroundings. The warm weather helps.
Now that our necessities are all unpacked and I have a clue of where I am, our priority (besides school work) is to meet as many people as we can. I feel like I have to jump on it; at least while the weather is warm and before we have to go into (a somewhat feared) hibernation mode for our family's first and long, north eastern winter.

Our time of arrival was perfect. Well, minus the rainy move-in day. We got to see enough snow on the ground to see it melt and welcome spring. DD has enjoyed wet spring days walking around and seeing nature awake almost overnight. The changes happen so fast and are so large that it is a wonder, specially for us, coming from a place where flowers are always in bloom. Spring term homeschooling events were just beginning so she was able to have some group classes. She participated in the town's softball spring league and a few fun events with her new Girl Scout troop.

I am as happy as a clam because I got to go back to one of my favorite places on earth: The Art Students League of NY. Memories of old come back not only to my heart but also to my hands.I am very excited because now I can take an occasional drawing or painting class in the weekend, while hubby is home. I can sign up month to month or just drop in. Flexibility is the key here. It feels great to draw like that again! I am slowly getting myself where I used to be. Here are a few one minute (L) and five minute (R) sketches from my first class. There's hope! Life is good.











Not everything has been peachy roses though. Our DD is acting like a perfect nine year old who was yanked from all she knew suddenly: sad and angry at times, excited and eager to find a new adventure in the next moment. It has been like riding on a roller coaster at times. We don't blame her for it and we are trying our best to help her deal with it all. After all, it was late January when we figured out that we needed to leave by March 3rd if we wanted to move as a family.

She truly becomes her beautiful self again whenever she has a puppy or animal in her arms. So...we have been petting a lot of small creatures lately. Here she is at the dog park, borrowing a little joy. Two of her visiting requests have already been fulfilled: she has visited the biggest candy store and the biggest toy store. Yes, we are trying.
Regardless of how hard it has been, I am glad that we did it in such a way and that we came here together. We had already spent too long and too many important days apart!

We live in a pretty city/town considered a suburb of Newark and I think myself lucky to be here right now. We are only 30 minutes by train to NYC (perfect for hubby's commute and day trips) and minutes by car to beautiful woodlands, lakes and playgrounds. We are really enjoying house hunting in the area.

The people we have met have been very nice and welcoming. Although there are not many homeschooling families in town, the ones we have meet have been wonderful, caring and warm towards us. In our short time here we have already been part of many unique and fun events. Also, our daughter's new Girl Scout troop and leader have welcomed us as true Girl Scout sisters: with open arms.
Still, the sad reality hits almost daily: we will not have our closest friends be so close to us anymore. We miss you guys! We wish we could have brought all of you here. At once. With us. In other words... come visit anytime!

We are looking forward to a fun and busy summer. We are vacationing in our own hometown! Everything is new for us around here so we are staying close to home to learn the ropes. DD is doing swim lessons, guitar and travel softball league. We are also excited about starting a new JOAD class for homeschoolers that we hope to continue in the fall.

But enough said... as a picture can say a thousand words (and as the clock ticks), I have about a hundred of them to share. Click on the albums to the right to see more of what has been going on around here!

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

By Deborah Markus from Secular Homeschooling Issue #1Fall 2007

1. Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals would we admit it?

2. Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and
pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3. Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a home schooler she ever gets to socialize.

4. Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5. If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV either on the news or on a "reality" show the above goes double.

6. Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you so please go away.

7. We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8. Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9. Stop assuming that if we're religious we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10. We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing, of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11. Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12. If my kid is only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13. Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool" we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks museums and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and
holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14. Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours everydayjust like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn
through a lot of material a lot more efficiently because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15. Stop asking"But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know I'm one of them. I might
still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16. Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17. Stop saying"Oh I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18. If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus classyou're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did and might even do a better one.

19. Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20. Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as
representative of anything but childhood.

21. Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22. Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23. Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24. Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25. Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling shut up!

Hip hip hurray for Deborah!

What is hapening now?

Our daughter on her first day of "school" in over 2 years. Heading for 2nd grade, in January 2010

We have not been up to much. Scary but true.

As our daughter took up my offer to see what our local school was like this semester, we are "taking it easy".
Don't get me wrong, we are all learning a lot about each other, our goals and the people around us. She is experiencing the cons and pros of compulsory school. She still wants to learn and is eager to do well. So she wants out. She just told me she wants to homeschool third grade. Unfortunately the school could not accommodate our request to place her in the 2/3 combo class and now she just wants to get the heck out of there. We asked them to do this as she entered so that she could be challenged and engaged as we wanted this to be a positive experience for her. Instead we got placed in the most challenging 2nd grade class with a (wonderful) teacher who is absolutely stretched to the max and cannot spare much time to help the high performers in the class work at their full potential; even less, make the learning experience out of the ordinary. She has to bring the rest of the class up to standard. My daughter shares her attention with 25 others; some of them much younger by their behavior. We have just been told of a $10 million budget cut in our school district and increase of class size for next year. In the meantime my daughter clocks in everyday and completes endless worksheets that repeat facts known to her for over a year and believe me, she is not a "gifted" child. She is just were she needs to be right now. She wanted to test out of her grade but was not allowed to do so and so she's "stuck" there. At least for now. No wonder she wants out.

Above all I must say that I am very grateful for the opportunity to check out the school and verify our methods even more. Yes, the people are wonderful. The parents, the principal, the teachers. But I can't help to notice how they are all trying to do their best while having to settle for whatever the system dishes out. The parents voice their concerns and rally in demonstrations in front of city hall; the teachers do their best, the principal listens patiently and provides as many opportunities as she is allowed to make the school above average. Yet they are not getting anything but average resources at best and now with these additional cuts everyone's standard will have to be lowered even more.
Today I explained to my daughter that her teacher might have not feeling well because she just got fired from her job. That is why she's having a substitute so often. I explained the budget cuts, the rallies and how the student/teacher ratio will be increasing systematically in the next few years in order to work with the state budget and our governor's decisions. The governor who can afford to send his children to private school. Her first reaction was to consider herself lucky for having been a part of her teacher's class and having met her. Then she moved on to reiterate the fact that she did not want to be there next year, with even more unruly children around her hindering her learning experience. This is a decision made while thinking of her current reality. But what really caught me by surprise was her analogy of them, the children and teachers, to slaves stuck in an overcrowded, sweltering belly of a slave ship while "others" make decisions for them. She felt powerless, violated, angry and sad from the news I was giving her. Although it sounds like a far fetch idea, I see her point.

The people in our schools are admirable individuals, I know. Unselfish, living in a democratic society and exercising their citizenship in an exemplary way.
Be it for better or worse (although I am benefiting from their company), I am not one of them. I am not settling for the average offered to me at this time and I (like my daughter) am ready to jump ship. We've been there, done that, don't need to hang around anymore... we are moving on.
When I talk to the school moms about our choices they say "oh, no, not me, I can never be that brave" or "not me, I have things I want to do". Then I think... Well, I do too but I'm just not settling for the status quota. Why should I? Brave? me? not half as much as you, giving up your child's life to be the product of a faulty system that chews up and spits out everybody who tries to help. Well, at least that is what it seems like to me.
I know if anything goes "wrong" I'll have no one else to blame but myself. Then again... how bad can things turn out for a child who is allowed to grow at her own speed, work at her full potential and be inspired by the real world around her to make the changes it needs? How bad can it be for a child to be around loving adults who respect her, don't steal her erasers, don't call her a lair, scream at her (or others in front of 20+ people) out of frustration and take the time to have a meaningful conversation with her? We'll take our chances and find out.
Back in January we consented to her attending school because I was truly stressed. I kept wondering if I was doing things right, if she was getting "enough" of one thing or another. I over scheduled our days and could not sleep at night wallowing in my own fears. By the second day of school I knew that my fears were completely unfounded and that compulsory school for a regular eight year old is nothing more than a safe form of childcare provided by the state so both parents can work relatively worry free. I guess I'll have to learn to work with her around.

So here we go again, trying to make it all work. Optimistic about our future and knowing that we don't have to be anyone's pawns to get what we want.
Our daughter is committed to finishing the semester where she is. "It's only 6 weeks, how bad can it be?", she says. They are doing the standardized testing this week. I guess we'll take it one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is. I wonder if she would be asking to homeschool next year if she had been given the chance to be inspired, challenged and engaged by her peers and her environment in whatever she does with them for 6 hours per day. We might try it again down the road, when we have more options available and the scales are not so tipped out of balance.

When I mention that she will have to go back to having less children around (she's an only child) and missing her friends she accepts her reality calmly. I'm surprised to see her admitting at such an early age the fact that she much rather have a stimulating learning experience over friends. According to her, these are friends that she can hardly enjoy because of the short time they have to play at school. As I said, we are all learning a lot.
I can't help but think of what my scout leader's training book recommends: "Always leave smiling!".